Self-Examination
Not long ago, a student reported this story to us: “Reese” (not his real name) had made a special effort to arrive early at Being Yoga so that he could set up his mat on his favorite spot. As the beginning of class drew closer, the studio began filling up, and reluctantly Reese made several adjustments to the position of his mat in order to accommodate the influx of students. Feeling slightly annoyed that he had been “pushed” off of “his” spot, Reese breathed a sigh of relief when class began. After all, he wasn’t too far away from his original destination, and he had plenty of space between him and the wall next to him.
That all changed when, ten minutes later, in walked a late-comer who squeezed herself in next to him and effectively pushed him “up against the wall.”
We all know what happened next. Instantly Reese’s head filled with angry voices: “How dare she come into class so late?” “Why did she have to push ME next to the wall?” “I never get what I want!” “Why do people always push me around?” “Now I’m going to have a terrible practice!” On and on those voices shouted, gathering a maddening strength and frequency that nearly convinced Reese that he should quit the class and stomp out the door.
Did Reese actually bolt? Please read on to find out if he did and what role our Theme of the Month, “Self-Examination,” played in his decision:
In retrospect, Reese isn’t exactly sure what made him silence those reactive voices and stay right where he was. Perhaps it was the stillness of the posture he was holding. Or perhaps it was the release of the deep breaths the teacher was encouraging his class to take. Whatever it was, Reese began examining himself and his reaction to the situation.
He began to see that he had reacted critically (maybe the student who came in late had a good excuse!), and that he had begun taking everything too personally (she hadn’t intentionally singled him out, but had singled-out an opening next to him). By being critical and defensive, Reese realized that he had begun to make up stories in his head that weren’t true (in reality he often did get what he wanted, and people didn’t always push him around, and he still had room to move in and out of the poses even though he was next to the wall!). Instead of leaving, Reese dedicated himself to go deeper into the postures and fully experience what was happening internally. Thus he let go of his critical mind and reaction to it. Not surprisingly, Reese reported that he had one of the most rewarding practices he’s ever had—a positive ending to a story about the importance of self-examination.
As Roy Eugene Davis states in his book Seven Lessons in Conscious Living, “Each person is responsible for his inner life—which is the creation of one’s thoughts, desires, feelings and ideals.” Note that Mr. Davis states that we create our thoughts. Unfortunately, however, a majority of us are unaware of that fact. Consequently, we walk through life unconsciously creating thoughts that bring us pain. Just like Reese, we tell ourselves stories which don’t have to be true: we tell ourselves that we are victims, that people are conspiring against us, that we have to struggle against what is, that if circumstances aren’t exactly the way we want them to be we will be miserable. By believing these stories, of course, they become true to ourselves.
Fortunately we have the power to change our “inner life.” The first step to bring about this change is simply to become aware of our thoughts. What are we telling ourselves throughout the day? Are the stories we tell ourselves unalterably true? Is there a different (and preferably more positive) perspective we can take regarding those “truths”? By examining ourselves and our thoughts, we can begin to see patterns of thinking that filter the way we view and react to the world. And by being aware of those patterns, we can begin to change those that are negative or self-destructive and free ourselves from them.
Like Reese, we can practice self-examination as we practice our yoga. We can start to take note of the things that we allow ourselves to be bothered by: “the studio is too hot or too cool,” “the room is too crowded,” “the fan is too noisy,” “the person in front of me is too…,” “the teacher’s too…,” etc. Then we can begin to change our thoughts towards those things. Those otherwise bothersome things are external, and we can begin to empower ourselves by letting them go. We can control our inner life, creating a peace and a freedom within. By practicing self-examination in the yoga room, we can begin to practice it outside the studio as well. Roy Eugene Davis exhorts us to “Have Self-realization as [our] major aim.” By doing so, we will begin to enjoy our lives and find more satisfaction in them.
Ultimately, through self-examination we can move away from the illusion that we are powerless, separate entities imprisoned by our circumstances and move to the realization that we are actually powerful extensions of the Divine. As William Ellery Channing said, “I call that mind free which escapes from the bondage of matter, which instead of stopping at the material universe and making it a prison wall, passes beyond it to its Author.”